Bigs and Littles

He drags his feet while he walks. He contemplates his future for the hundredth time this week. These last four years have been filled with so many ups and downs for him that the recent news of the world not ending almost has no affect on him. In fact, if it didn’t mean having to pack up and move, he’s not sure if it would change anything in his life. He has Lucy, for the first time in his life, he is living how he wants to live, simply and pure, where his actions match his intentions. He felt good about what he had become and had welcomed the end of the world with open arms, embracing the waiting adventure. The world around him was almost completely dead, and he was ready to leave it all behind. The neighborhoods were filled with abandoned homes where life had once thrived. The news of the inevitable end had a catastrophic affect on the middle class. People living paycheck to paycheck knowing that everything they were working towards was so very and ultimately pointless caused a collapse of society. The lower class had nothing to lose, and the upper class had money to blow on all the things they had never done. The rest of the world, the majority of society felt like they had been ripped off. They had never been happy, they never caught their break, and they never had their time. Those who didn’t go mad with rage just sat around and waited for death. He drags his feet while he walks with a heavy heart and heavy hands. He needs help to pull this off. And there is only one person he knows that can do that. He makes his way through the empty, quiet, dark streets to Sids house. He could have driven but he liked the walk, peaceful and long it gave him time to sort things out. That and he didn’t have any gas, which these days, is hard to come by.

Sid’s house, while it may look plane enough from the outside is built more like a fortress. Trip wires and hidden cameras keep unwanted visitors away or at the least, dead. Lark knows where to step to not get himself killed, or so he hopes. A small three bedroom, Sid enjoyed a simpler life than most, and not just because he was retired. Sid seemed to have a deeper understanding of the reality we lived in. He rarely got caught up in the inevitable daily drama that most people did. He knew what mattered to him, and that is what he put first. Maybe it was his age that taught him how to live, or maybe it was the amount of death that he had seen, but something kept him grounded. He was the opposite of Lark.

Lark knocks lightly on the door and waits. It's late and he doesn’t want to wake the baby. Sarah answers the door slowly and just enough to let Lark in. She doesn’t look at him until he is all-the-way in and the door is closed. She smiles big and invites him to take his shoes off. He smiles and asks how she is. She loses the smile and says, “Don’t get me started. This shit, this stuff they have been saying, this is just ridiculous. Ugh, don’t even get me started.” Lark laughs and smiles and nods his head. As they walk into the living room Sid stands up, baby in arms and greets Lark. “What’s up man?”

“Oh you know, same old shit. Leaving on a life-threatening voyage to try and save me and my girlfriends life. Nothing new.” They laugh and Sid hands the baby to Sarah. “It was good seeing you. I hope… I hope it goes ok.” Sarah says to Lark looking down at the baby.

“Oh you know me… I’m sure it won’t.” He smiles at Sarah and Sid and they smile back in acknowledgment of the joke, but not in agreement to his statement. Sid puts his hand on Larks back and ushers him to the back door. They step outside and Sid lights a joint. They stand in the quiet, sad, empty air and do not speak. Finally Lark says, “I need a favor. I need some help.”

“I figured this much. You really think you can pull this off? Not saying you can’t, but I mean really, have you thought this through?” Lark lowers his head, “Well… this is just one of those things, as much preparation as I can do, we will just have to see what happens.”

“And she, it, its all worth it, your life?” This time larks steps out of the light into the dark and Sid loses sight of him and all he hears is his voice say, “What else is there?” Sid steps towards Lark and then past him towards a shed close by. Sid’s home is built for battle, it’s built for survival, it’s built for war. Sid, in his early years was a bit of a handyman. A gun for hire, muscle for hire, and a man who could take care of the things most people couldn’t do themselves. In his later years, a father now, his greatest concern was taking care of his family. Protecting them as best he could, and when dealing and talking about Sid, that meant pretty fucking good. Lark follows him to the door of an outside shed that looks a lot like nothing at all and watches him pull out some keys and unlock series of large locks varying in shape, size, and type. After he is finished he invites Lark in and then closes the door behind both of them. Before for he hits the switch, in the dark he asks Lark, “Do you know what you are doing? Do you know what you are getting into?”

“Not a clue.”

“I thought so.” He hits the switch and a single dim bulb lights up a very small room well equipped with a heavy arson of guns, knives and modern warfare weaponry. Lark steps forwards looking around, “I’ve never been in here before.”

“Nobody has. Do you know what you need?”

Sid was considerably older than Lark and sort of thought Lark had his head in the clouds. Young and dumb he thought he knew it all, arrogant and selfish he thought he had nothing to lose. But Sid saw him for who he was. Not the man he thought he was, but also not as the rest of the world saw him. He knew Lark was dangerous and was capable of more than even Sid had considered. They met a couple years ago under less than ideal circumstances but were able to look past everything and become friends. Sid had helped Lark with a lot over the years and Lark repaid Sid with anything he could find. Drugs, alcohol, baby-sitting or even taking out the trash, he owed Sid big time, and no favor was too big or small, and for that reason alone, he absolutely hated having to ask Sid for yet another handout. He knew Sid would facilitate, but still, this one he knew he wouldn’t be able to pay back.

“No, and I’m not quiet sure how this works either. I have nothing to offer and I will probably be dead in a week, so I’m not sure what’s being offered.”

“Pick out what out need, and I will decide what I will let you take.”

“Ok…any suggestions?”

“Yes. Travel light and keep it simple.” Lark turns towards him with a look of confusion. Sid starts to walk quickly from workbench to workbench picking up and moving all sorts of things; bullets, guns, and the sound of metal on metal clanking against one another. He turns quickly and walks to another table. He turns around holding a small shinny object. The room is so dark Sid looks like a ghost in the shadows.

“A good blade is more important than an gun you will every carry. Treat it well and it will last forever.” He hands it to Lark blade first and says, “It also doubles as a great tool.” Lark grabs the small but very sharp knife and looks at it. “I’m looking for its case.” He continues to look and eventually says “fuck it, this will work just fine, it’s not a great fit, but it will keep you from stabbing yourself in your sleep.” Lark is silent, and even though he knows a thing or two about the weapons he is sees, he's greener than grass in comparison to Sid. Sid turns to Lark, “Two guns, you need two guns. You want a hand held mid-range gun, like a pistol, and a strong short-range gun like a shotgun. There is no need for long range because you will just be drawing attention to yourself from people you could just as easily avoid. The gauge and type is up to you, but keep it simple. You want to be able to reload quickly and shoot quicker. You want your ammo to be plentiful and easy to carry and store.” Pick some stuff out and I’ll let you know what will be best, and what I’m not willing to part with.” Lark turns from him and begins to lightly rummage through Sid’s collection of work tools. A different life in a different time, these were tools of destruction and death. Now they sit in an old mans shed collecting dust. As he begins his search for his soon to be new best friends they begin to talk.

“You sure you don’t want to stay? Fight the good fight? You guys could stay in our guest room. Not risk life and limb.”

“No.”

“Don’t get me wrong, she is a great girl and I love her to pieces, but your odds aren’t very good.”

“Honestly man, I really don’t know what I’m doing or what to expect.” He stops digging for a second.

“I was so ready for this all to end. I had made my piece, with God and Roxanne. I gave up everything I had, everything I had known because it was all going to end. And now, and now I find out its all a lie… I can’t go back and undo what I’ve done. I can’t change what’s done, so I’m left with this. And I either make the most of this or it was all in vain.” Sid nods his head but doesn’t respond. “I dropped it all man, I left that life in hopes that what I was going after was going to be better than what I had… But this is not what I expected… to say the least.” Again Sid nods, “does that change anything?” Lark looks up, “no, not really. Its better to know and be wrong than to never know.”

“Says the man picking out guns to try and follow a girl into the unknown.”

“Hah. Touché sir. Lucky it’s not my intelligence that is being questioned.”

“Kind of it is.”

“Oh, yea, I guess so. Well, nobody ever said I was smart.”

“No, nobody did ever say that.” They share a laugh about Larks newfound adventure.

“But really man,” Sid says “this is kind of nuts. I mean, no plan what so ever in place, you are just going to try and follow her from spot to spot hoping that nobody has any issue with you tagging along?”

“…Yes?”

“Do you ever feel like, maybe on some level you have given more than her, that you have made more sacrifices than she has to be here with you? No disrespect man, but Jesus, you have already given up so much to be with her, you don’t feel a little… I don’t know, frustrated that she is asking this of you?”

“It’s crossed my mind sure, but I made this decision on my own. I’m a grown man and I make the bed I lye in. I weighed the pros and cons and came to the conclusion that I would rather die fighting than stay alive wondering. It’s all I’ve got. She’s all I’ve got. Life without her isn’t worth shit to me.”

“You’re kind of a girl, you know that right?” Lark turns and points a pistol at Sid, “is that right?” They laugh again. Nothing about the situation is funny. Nothing about anybodies situation has been funny in years, but some how, some way, they both knew that if that couldn’t make light of it all, it would seem worse than it really is. Because deep down, they both knew it was worse than it really was.